To limit the mess, jump off a 5- to 6-foot ledge. I advise option two (again, it just depends how much you hate yourself). Will you choose to tie yourself up and kick the chair beneath you, causing moments of breathless agony and unnecessary pain? OR… tie yourself up and jump off a 12-foot ledge, instantly snapping your neck and possibly decapitating you? You'll then come to the quick realization that you are in fact a dumbass and should have chosen a less painful way to go (example: jumping into a pit of diamond back rattlesnakes). If you choose to do it, go to a lake/ocean and swim 10-15 feet deep and take a deep breath (your bathtub or kitchen sink will be too challenging to kill yourself in). It is known as one of the most painful ways to die (don't ask me how people know) and can take up to three minutes to lose consciousness. Unless you hate yourself, don't be a DUMBASS and drown yourself. If you put the weapon in your mouth pointing to the back of your neck/lower head, then death may not be instant and you may endure some unnecessary suffering. Not kinda up, not angled up, STRAIGHT UP (don't half ass it!!). How to do it: Put the god forsaken thing in your mouth POINTING UP to the sky. 45 caliber weapon, or even better, A SHOTGUN! But don't expect an open casket with those fuckers. Make you bleed out for 2+ agonizing hours before killing you.You'll thank me (or maybe you won't, because you're dead) when you're not a drooling vegetable in a hospital for the rest of your shitty days. 22 caliber weapon, or any weak ass gun for that matter. If you think that any old gun is a half-second click away from “lights out,” then you may be in for an unpleasant experience.įirst, DO NOT USE a. Some people have seen too many movies though. The GunĪ top choice for suicide, especially for men. Why? To spare you unnecessary pain, make it a little less gory, and minimize the paramedics' laughter when they find you dead from overdosing on Flintstone vitamins (it's happened). With that said, I am here to help you dumbasses do it the right way. Ok, so you've called, texted or chatted and decided to give suicide the green light anyway-well, that's your journey and there's a place reserved for you in Hell. Give a call, text or chat-you can always hang up, ghost them, close the chat, or tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. ![]() It's free, confidential, and open 24 hours a day. It may not seem possible at this moment, but they can help you find a light at the end of what I assume is your shitty-ass tunnel. A real person at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline will listen and talk with you. Before reading on, call 1-80, text TALK to 741741, or chat with someone right now. Trust us, millions of people have read this page. If you said “YES!” to any these questions, you may have had the bright idea to “off yourself.”įirst of all, you're not alone. Were you just laid off? Are you tried of struggling with that heroin addiction? Does it feel like you're at the end of your rope, so to speak?
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